It’s most common to have relationships where the man is afraid of commitment, but the opposite can also, be true.
Generally, the fear is around money, but that need not always be the case. A woman generally looks for security in a relationship, that’s why marriage commitment is so important to her. The law stipulates certain rules of engagement that protect her assets moving forward should it ever end. Particularly if she has children, financial stability is very important.
Our society tends to favor the man as the money maker. So it becomes very important for women to feel like the financial gains made during the marriage can be sustained. There are cases, however, where the woman is the main breadwinner, and these circumstances tend to threaten the man’s identity because in our society. He being the breadwinner is so installed.
Often we see control dynamics associated with earnings, and these can threaten the fabric of the relationship. But money is not the only factor for security in a relationship. There are also emotional factors that can influence it. Far deeper and more hidden than financial stresses, how we view ourselves emotionally has a big charge in determining the direction of a
relationship.
In Feng-Shui, it is known that both parties should have night tables of similar dimensions around their matrimonial bed. Because the balance of power in a relationship is extremely important to it’s survival!
Relationships, where one holds power over the other, are more power struggles than relationships, and they don’t endure. Relationships generally have three stages of growth, and power struggles are the intermediary points between them.
The courting facet is the most exciting, and there are many who are perpetually stuck in that phase. Some are infatuated with the courting face to the point of being unwilling or incapable of moving beyond it. They lack the maturity to make a commitment to a serious relationship where all of their issues can be aired and healed. These people are unwilling or unable to move beyond the courting phase, and if they find themselves by accident or omittance in a committed relationship they will tend to sabotage it by having an affair. An escape where they can once again experience the thrill of courtship, albeit a fake one!
Pushing someone afraid of commitment to commit to a relationship is counter-productive as you are not addressing the reasons behind the resistance, until these are healed, or the truth of the relationship is found, the relationship will fail. By nature, a healthy relationship will move past the courting phase through the power struggle into the cooperative phase. And past the power struggle again to settle into the synergy phase, where the duality of our existence fades, and we become one.
Modern psychology is rather ignorant of this phase and considers it “enabling” which is a destructive judgment to place on a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Relationships born of concepts, guided by therapists who guide out of concepts are also doomed
to failure because there is no actual healthy model of a true lasting relationship. Just as Hanneman had an understanding of the healthy state which guided him in his homeopathic treatment. So must a counselor have an understanding of a healthy, complete relationship from which to see what dynamics are at play with his clients.